Forgiveness is powerful but it’s not the same as excusing the hurt.
When someone has hurt you deeply, the idea of forgiving them can feel impossible.
We often think forgiveness means saying, “It’s fine,” or pretending the pain never happened. But that’s not forgiveness - that’s denial. True forgiveness doesn’t minimize what happened. It acknowledges the wrong, then chooses to release it to God.
What Forgiveness Really Means
Forgiveness is not:
- Forgetting what happened.
- Excusing someone’s behavior.
- Saying the pain didn’t matter.
Forgiveness is:
- Releasing the other person from the “debt” they owe you.
- Handing the weight of justice over to God.
- Freeing your own heart from bitterness.
- Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).
Why Forgiveness Matters
When we hold on to anger, it doesn’t just hurt the other person - it poisons us, too. Bitterness can seep into relationships, rob our peace, and even affect our health.
Jesus taught plainly, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15).
That doesn’t mean God withholds love until we get it right. It means forgiveness is central to the Christian life because it reflects His heart toward us.
How to Forgive Without Excusing the Hurt
Forgiveness is a process, but it begins with the willingness to let God work in your heart. Here are a few steps that can help:
- Acknowledge the pain. Pretending it didn’t hurt won’t bring healing. God meets us in honesty (Psalm 34:18). When you forgive, you’re not saying the sin was small; you’re choosing to let God carry the weight of justice.
- Choose to forgive. Forgiveness is hard, but the good news is that God can work with even just a small amount of forgiveness on our part! Say, “Lord, I choose to forgive <name person> as much as I am able. I place the situation in Your hands.” Forgive the one who sinned against you. Then ask God to forgive you for any sinful reaction that came out of your pain, and forgive yourself for the ways you have carried it. Healing flows from this posture of humility.
- Repeat if needed. Sometimes the hurt resurfaces. Each time, bring it back to God until peace takes root.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past, but it does open the door for freedom in the present. You don’t have to carry bitterness or keep replaying the offense. God is able to bring peace where there was pain, and strength where there was weakness (Philippians 4:13).
As Colossians 3:13 reminds us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
In our Heart Healing Essentials course, we walk step by step through what forgiveness looks like and how to actually accomplish it, not as a one-time gesture, but as a pathway to true freedom in Christ.
