Childhood needs shape us - whether they were met or not.
Every child comes into the world with basic needs: love, safety, guidance, comfort, and affirmation. When those needs are met, we grow with confidence. But when they aren’t, gaps form, gaps that don’t magically disappear when we grow up.
Many of us carry those unmet needs into adulthood. Maybe you work endlessly, hoping for recognition you never received. Maybe you struggle to trust, because the people who were supposed to protect you didn’t. Or maybe you feel an ache you can’t name, only to realize it’s the emptiness of what wasn’t given.
Psalm 27:10 speaks to this ache: “My father and mother abandoned me. But you, Yahweh, took me in and made me yours” (TPT). Even when parents fall short, God’s love does not.
Honoring Parents Without Denying the Truth
Exodus 20:12 commands, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (NIV). Honoring doesn’t mean pretending everything was perfect. It means acknowledging the weight of their role while also facing the truth of what was missing.
You can honor your parents by:
Honoring is possible even in the tension of grief and disappointment.
When Needs Go Unmet
Unmet needs shape our relationships, our confidence, and even how we relate to God. They show up in subtle but powerful ways:
Philippians 4:19 reassures us, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus”. This promise includes emotional and relational needs, not just material ones.
Letting God Fill the Gaps
God never intended for parents to be perfect, but He does promise to step in where they fall short. Here’s how you can invite Him into those unmet places:
Your story isn’t limited by what you didn’t receive. The gaps left by imperfect people can be filled by a God who sees, loves, and provides perfectly. What was lost in your past can be restored through forgiveness, and in His presence. He turns hurt into testimonies and emptiness into places of deep encounter with His love.
In our Heart Healing Essentials course, we explore unmet needs and the challenge of honoring parents honestly. With God’s help, these areas become places of deep transformation instead of lifelong wounds.
Every child comes into the world with basic needs: love, safety, guidance, comfort, and affirmation. When those needs are met, we grow with confidence. But when they aren’t, gaps form, gaps that don’t magically disappear when we grow up.
Many of us carry those unmet needs into adulthood. Maybe you work endlessly, hoping for recognition you never received. Maybe you struggle to trust, because the people who were supposed to protect you didn’t. Or maybe you feel an ache you can’t name, only to realize it’s the emptiness of what wasn’t given.
Psalm 27:10 speaks to this ache: “My father and mother abandoned me. But you, Yahweh, took me in and made me yours” (TPT). Even when parents fall short, God’s love does not.
Honoring Parents Without Denying the Truth
Exodus 20:12 commands, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (NIV). Honoring doesn’t mean pretending everything was perfect. It means acknowledging the weight of their role while also facing the truth of what was missing.
You can honor your parents by:
- Choosing forgiveness, even if you can’t forget.
- Recognizing their limitations without excusing harmful behavior.
- Allowing God to help you see them through His eyes.
Honoring is possible even in the tension of grief and disappointment.
When Needs Go Unmet
Unmet needs shape our relationships, our confidence, and even how we relate to God. They show up in subtle but powerful ways:
- Struggling with insecurity or approval-seeking.
- Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.
- Overcompensating by trying to meet everyone else’s needs first.
Philippians 4:19 reassures us, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus”. This promise includes emotional and relational needs, not just material ones.
Letting God Fill the Gaps
God never intended for parents to be perfect, but He does promise to step in where they fall short. Here’s how you can invite Him into those unmet places:
- Name the need. Say it out loud. For instance: “I needed safety. I needed to be seen.” Naming it makes space for healing.
- Forgive and release. Ask God to help you forgive your parents for the ways they didn’t meet your needs. Confess any sinful reactions that grew out of that pain, such as resentment, judgment, or self-protection, and ask His forgiveness. Then forgive yourself for the ways you tried to meet those needs in unhealthy ways.
- Bring the need to God. Ask Him to meet it in His way. He delights in being a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5).
- Receive from safe community. God often meets our needs through His people. Allow healthy friendships, mentors, and the church to become channels of His care and affirmation.
Your story isn’t limited by what you didn’t receive. The gaps left by imperfect people can be filled by a God who sees, loves, and provides perfectly. What was lost in your past can be restored through forgiveness, and in His presence. He turns hurt into testimonies and emptiness into places of deep encounter with His love.
In our Heart Healing Essentials course, we explore unmet needs and the challenge of honoring parents honestly. With God’s help, these areas become places of deep transformation instead of lifelong wounds.
